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Why do you hook up with your partner?

Updated: May 29, 2014 4:30PM

Why do you have sex with your partner?

Is it because you are in the mood? Want to feel closer to each other? Or, maybe, to avoid saying “no” and hurting your mate’s feelings?

New research from the University of Toronto has delved into the different reasons that couples have sex. The researchers discovered the study participants’ replies could be broken into categories —“approach” and “avoidance.” Approach motives were sentiments such as “I want to increase intimacy” and avoidance was things like “I don’t want to start a fight” or “I will feel guilty if I say no.”

The reality is that when you are in a long-term relationship, your reasons for having sex will vary, and it might not always be because you are 100 percent in the mood. Some people have sex because it will make their partner feel good, and others do it because it helps with stress relief or because it keeps them bonded during times of loss and uncertainty.

It’s also important to note that, as we age, our desire for sex might come less from a physical space, and more from a mental space. As the years go by, you and your partner aren’t going to have the same desire to tear each other’s clothes off as you did when you first started dating. Instead, your desire will come from a more intimate and more emotional space, a desire to connect with each other and fulfill one another.

Instead of expecting things to always stay the same in your relationship and your sex life, it’s healthier and wiser to embrace each new stage as it unfolds. Yes, you may no longer be in the honeymoon phase, but you have moved on to a deeper and more intimate stage where your physical connection is about more than just lust and desire. It’s also about love, commitment, intimacy and selflessness. And, unlike lust, those are feelings that can last forever.

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