Mother-in-law stereotypes don’t always ring true

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I don’t know of any father-in-law jokes. Nor, for that matter, do I remember ever hearing someone complain about his or her father-in-law.

Ahh, but mothers-in-law. They are the stuff of legend. And of situation comedies. Who can ever forget Endora on “Bewitched” or countless other such stock characters? Letters to advice columnists are filled with plaintive cries, primarily from wives, asking what to do about the “difficult” mother of their spouse. The stereotype of the overbearing, meddling mother-in-law translates across cultures and apparently eons. This backdrop is why I was so surprised to be in a gathering of women recently, and when asked, “Whom do you most admire in this world?,” hear not one, not two, but three sharp, young, professional women answer: their mothers-in-law.

Three wives proclaiming that in this world they most admired their husband’s mother? Really? I had to find out more. Maybe not least of all because I hope to be a mother-in-law to four spouses someday.

What are the mothers-in-law of these young wives doing right?

One spoke of how her husband’s mother, who lives only a few houses down the street, is incredibly loving and encouraging. She doesn’t pry, but does appropriately open up about how she is handling struggles she is facing in her own life. And when my young friend asks for her mom-in-law’s input, then and only then it is offered in a way that is constructive. Even though this mom lives close by — maybe especially because she lives close by — she never drops by unannounced or even on short notice. But, she will occasionally do “acts of service” that she has reason to know will be welcome. Cleaning a bathroom or delivering flowers before a party as a surprise to her daughter-in-law, for instance. But even there, only when she has cleared it with her son ahead of time.

Another young wife told me how she has watched her mother-in-law live faithfully and have integrity over time, not just in her marriage, but in all her relationships. This young wife has, she shared, watched her husband’s mother face real adversity. But she does it so well and so humbly that she is an example of a wise woman my young friend wants to emulate. And, she said, she and her mother-in-law are able to be very intimate and have open conversations without my young friend ever feeling judged.

Still another of these women shared that her mother-in-law is encouraging in every way as well. My friend feels loved and accepted and also able to have an intimate relationship with her husband’s mom.

I have a feeling these moms think their daughters-in-law do a lot of the right things, too.

Note to (future) self: Such relationships may not be the stuff of sitcoms, but they sure are a beautiful result of grace.

If you have a story about a special daughter-in-law, feel free to share it for a future column at hartmailbox-mycolumn@yahoo.com.

Scripps Howard