Kim and Kris: ‘Fairytale’ couple with real-life problems
BY DR. LAURA BERMAN firstname.lastname@example.org November 7, 2011 6:12PM
Seventy-two days after tying the knot in an extravagant televised wedding special, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are headed for divorce.
While Kardashian and Humphries certainly faced unique struggles due to their fame and fortune, many of their problems are similar to those that real-life couples face every day, and as such, we can learn from their unfortunate impending divorce. Consider the following:
Neither wanted to compromise. Tabloid reports tell us that Humphries wanted to settle down near his family in Minnesota, while Kardashian preferred to stay in L.A. to focus on her business ventures and to be close to her own family.
Although it can be difficult to put your partner’s needs before your own, compromise is a must in any successful relationship. The beauty of mutual compromise is that if you commit to putting the other’s needs first, then you will come to every situation with solutions and equanimity in mind. For example, you might cave on spending Christmas with his family, provided you take a couples-only vacation in the spring to a locale of your choice.
Kardashian’s family has no boundaries. Almost all families struggle with nosy in-laws and overbearing mothers, but the Kardashians are like an overly enmeshed family on steroids. Whether it’s Khloe calling Kris a gold-digger or Kim’s mother organizing a pre-nup behind the scenes, the whole family feels entitled to speak their minds about Kim’s relationship. The only reason a family should intervene to this degree is if they fear that the relationship is abusive or unhealthy in some way. The same goes for the couple — bad-mouthing your spouse behind his back will only further chip away at your bond.
Kardashian’s clock was ticking. With her younger sister already married and the older one settled with a baby, she felt a lot of pressure to settle down, particularly from tabloids which often painted her as the lonely, single Kardashian. In fact, Kardashian recently confessed that she thought she would have four kids by the age of 30, so it must have been hard to be 31 and without a baby in sight. Yet when people fall prey to societal pressures or get married because they think they are “supposed” to, it rarely works out.
Kardashian wants a fairy tale. According to a recent statement released by her camp, Kardashian is devastated by her divorce but still believes in the fairy-tale version of true love. Sadly, this belief might have been what got her into trouble in the first place. In fact, as she planned her perfect day, Humphries famously complained: “You could just slide any groom into it.”
We live in a culture that equates real love with perfect happiness. Happy couples aren’t supposed to disagree and great sex isn’t ever supposed to take work. Yet real life is nothing like Hollywood. Sometimes our lives involve drama and heartache. A successful relationship is one that can survive the bad times, and a loving partner is one who will support, enrich, challenge and comfort you throughout your journey together.
They didn’t give it their all . Humphries and Kardashian threw in the towel after just a couple of months, before they even tried therapy or even shut the cameras off to spend time together as a couple to actually work on their relationship. Many young people have similar mindsets when it comes to marriage. Divorce no longer holds a stigma, so couples often go into marriage without a “forever” mentality. All they see is the excitement and enjoyment of the wedding day, but once that glitz wears off and the presents are unwrapped, reality can be a rough adjustment.
Let’s put an end to losing sight of the marriage because you are too focused on the fairy-tale wedding!
A wedding is just a party. What really matters is the importance and power of the commitment you are making to one another.