suntimes
SPRIGHTLY 
Weather Updates

When pals wed, men feel pressure to marry, just as women do

Even though we think men as diehard commitment-phobes truth is if they see all their buddies getting hitched having kids

Even though we think of men as diehard commitment-phobes, the truth is if they see all of their buddies getting hitched and having kids, they will feel a desire to follow suit, especially if their partner is pressuring them down the aisle.

storyidforme: 25554817
tmspicid: 9313757
fileheaderid: 4258338

Updated: March 16, 2012 8:04AM



M atch.com recently announced the results of its second annual study examining dating trends and the attitudes and beliefs of singles across the country. Some of what was uncovered might shock you.

We often wrongly imagine that women are the only ones who fantasize about walking down the aisle or sharing a home with a white picket fence. The truth is that men are just as susceptible to peer pressure as women are, and sometimes this peer pressure even leads them to marry mates they’re not necessarily in love with. In fact, according to the Match.com’s Single in America study, more than 25 percent of men will commit to women whom they don’t feel romantically attracted to, provided she has everything else they are looking for in a partner.

Why is this? Well, even though we often think of men as diehard commitment-phobes, the truth is if they see all of their buddies getting hitched and having kids, they will feel a desire to follow suit, especially if their partner is pressuring them down the aisle. 

However, just because a choice is easiest doesn’t make it right, and many of these relationships don’t end up working out. Cajoling a guy down the aisle isn’t the way to a lifetime of happiness, and women should keep that in mind when they start eyeing engagement rings. Ultimately, a man will only get to that place of deep commitment and love when he is ready to and you can’t ever force such feelings.

Love at first sight? It happens, but the Match.com study found that men actually are more likely than women to fall in love at first sight, and many men report falling for their partner after just one glance. Some 30 percent of men say they have fallen in love at first sight, while only 21 percent of women report the same.

One reason for this is that lust and love are more immediately intertwined for men than they are for women. Men are visual creatures when it comes to sexual attraction, and they are programmed to have a strong, visceral response to mates they find attractive.

While women also search for attractive mates and physically respond to guys they find sexy, they do not always associate love and lust the same way that men do. Think of it this way: “Men fall in love at first sight, women fall in love at first insight.” In other words, to catch and keep a woman’s attention, a man needs more than just a fit body or a great smile. Women also are looking for a great sense of humor, kindness, and a charming personality — a six-pack is just a bonus!

Singles seek companionship, not completion. According to the Single in America findings, singles are looking for a partner who can offer intimacy, companionship and personal fulfillment. Singles are no longer looking for someone who will “complete” them, but for someone who will complement them, someone who will enrich their lives and encourage them to try new things and broaden their horizons.

This is a refreshing change of pace as shared interests and life goals are an important cornerstone of happy relationships. Along with plenty of sex, of course!

Dr. Berman is the author of Loving Sex and director of DrLauraBerman.com. Her television show, “In The Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman,” is featured on OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network.



© 2014 Sun-Times Media, LLC. All rights reserved. This material may not be copied or distributed without permission. For more information about reprints and permissions, visit www.suntimesreprints.com. To order a reprint of this article, click here.