Love note makes birthday girl look like she cheats

ASK ELLIE | She has no idea who sent it, but it's hurting boyfriend and stealing trust

DEAR ELLIE: I've been living with my boyfriend for seven years.

Around my birthday, I received a card with no return address, mailed from Chicago. I assumed it was from my one girlfriend living there. I opened the card in front of him and it was a romantic birthday card signed, "LOVE YOU. CAN'T WAIT..." I called my friend in Chicago to see if she was playing a joke on me but she swore she didn't.

Now my boyfriend is looking at me like I'm having an affair. I feel like I have to be on the defensive for something I haven't done. I am so hurt that some cruel person would want to ruin someone else's relationship, and that my boyfriend has no trust or belief in me.

Mad, Hurt and Confused

DEAR MAD, HURT AND CONFUSED: If your relationship has been secure, with no backstories of cheating on your part (or his), this will blow over.

Be understanding of his reaction ... imagine if the roles were reversed and he was the one who'd received this anonymous love note. You'd surely be suspicious then.

Don't react to him with anger and hurt or it will make you look defensive. Keep up your normal routine, stay in close contact with your guy and when he brings up the subject, calmly say you can't understand who would try to upset both of you. Meanwhile, consider whether either of you have people at work or other acquaintances who'd like to see you break up.

DEAR ELLIE: My boyfriend of four years and I ended our relationship for a short period over a year ago; I briefly saw someone else, nothing serious, and went to the same places where I knew my boyfriend would be. It caused a lot of drama, and I know I was wrong.

We're now back living together and things have been good, but recently I feel he didn't put everything behind him. He went to one of the places where all the drama took place. He had said he could never again go with me to any of these spots, and he didn't want me to be there with him because he'd get really angry. To me, it was like saying, "I'll never let it go."

We tried counseling, but it upset him. I don't think it's fair that we can't do certain things or go to certain places, and I don't think it'll help him forget the past. Am I wrong?

Old Drama

DEAR OLD DRAMA: As in the question above, the issue isn't who's right or wrong, it's about understanding a partner's jealousy.

The Green-Eyed Monster -- when constantly suspicious, and emotionally volatile -- can ruin a relationship, but so can overreaction to another's sensitivities when there's a cause. You clearly caused some major drama; now accept that it'll take time for your boyfriend to not feel uncomfortable to go with you to places where you once humiliated him.

Let it pass. The incidents were not that long ago, especially if the same people hang out in those places. He needs time to heal his wounded pride, and you should back off from any pressure on this.

DEAR ELLIE: My daughter-in-law is an awful cook. Do I offer to teach her and possibly insult her?

Bad Taste

DEAR BAD TASTE: Bring over a meal to "make her day easier." If she enjoys it, offer the recipe. Make no comments on her skills, but offer next time to cook with her.

Ellie's column runs Monday through Friday. Send e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.