She's pregnant, but father leaves with no promises

ASK ELLIE | She has 2 other kids, feels rejected when he says he doesn't want her

DEAR ELLIE: My boyfriend of 18 months and I lost a baby last year, and now I'm pregnant again. I wanted to have an abortion because we broke up.

He wasn't excited with my first pregnancy; but I forgot my pills and it happened again. I already have two kids and am struggling to keep a roof over their heads.

My boyfriend moved to another state and is working at a great job. He does want the responsibility, wants this baby, and my kids love him. I just don't understand why he decided to leave. He said he thinks about us but he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: First, you need to get your signals straight with this guy ... he wants the baby, but doesn't want to be with you? Some deal.

Forget about him as a partner, but make sure he understands his responsibility for child support. You'll have to allow him to be in this child's life, but you'd be a fool to think that means you can rely on him.

It's time you think about your future with a guy, when it comes to bedtime, and always remember to take your pills if there's uncertainty about the relationship.

Abortion should not be used as an alternative to birth control. You have a demanding life raising your kids, and you're trying to do your best. Don't let your judgment get so clouded that you make things much tougher for yourself.

This guy may be happy making babies he doesn't have to raise, but it leaves you with a lot of work and worry. When he visits, keep a distance between you.

DEAR ELLIE: My close friend (more than 17 years) has had a severe drinking problem ongoing, but it has finally exploded such that I cannot help her alone. She's also severely depressed, takes medication and sees a psychiatrist; however, all of her anti-depressants are counteracted by all the drinking.

She's also been unemployed for many months. Her teenage daughter is acting up and getting in all sorts of trouble at school. She needs help desperately, but doesn't have insurance. I believe her to be suicidal right now due to the fact she recently received a Driving Under the Influence charge. Where can I find her help at a low cost?

Concerned Friend

DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: You never could've helped your friend get out of her addiction by your own efforts alone, so please don't feel guilty.

Immediately, give her the number of your local distress center and have her post it on her fridge, so she can reach out if she feels suicidal. Trained staff who answer these distress calls know how to calm a person, and also where to refer them for ongoing, affordable help.

She may be eligible for legal aid for her DUI charge; call the court clerk in your area to see if there's a court-based program. Otherwise, check out your legal aid agency's requirements.

Meantime, try to encourage her to go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Offer to drive her there and pick her up for support. If she'll go, she'll also find a caring network of people who've been down her same path and came out better for the AA program.

You can find times and places of local AA meetings or events by contacting a nearby central office.

Ellie's column runs Monday through Friday. Send e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.