Despite husband and kids, ex-love wants him back

ASK ELLIE | She's coming to town and plans to see him, but he has second thoughts

DEAR ELLIE: I'm 31 now, and met her when I was 18; we dated for four years and loved each other deeply. I was gang-affiliated, and her whole family was a different gang. They didn't know for the first two years, but her brother found out and kept it secret. Then one of his old acquaintances recognized me, and she was threatened with death. I had to let her go. Now, 13 years later and 700 miles apart, we still talk.

Recently her sister was sick, and she came here (otherwise, her husband wouldn't let her visit her family without him because they're crazy). It was the first time we saw each other again. We got together every morning and every night.

She has children and won't do anything to jeopardize them. We didn't sleep together, didn't even kiss. It's love, not lust. And I respect her, too. But she didn't tell her husband that she saw me.

She's returning soon and wants to secretly spend a whole day with me while he's with the kids here. I now feel guilty ... and worried what can happen during a whole day. But this could be the last time I ever see her.

We go together like two shoes in a box. Should I see her or not?

Last Chance

DEAR LAST CHANCE: Shoes don't feel passion, nor responsibilities, nor weakness. You two do. You have a romantic Romeo and Juliet history, but remember, Shakespeare's play ended badly for the couple.

The only way this "friendship" can continue in person is if she can tell her husband she wants him to meet her old friend and bring him along for a lunch or an outing together. Otherwise, you're both flirting with danger. Keeping the secret would bring an atmosphere of risk, yearning and desperation to the day together, and that's an explosive mix emotionally.

Your love for each other is based on an interrupted connection ... it has nothing to do with what she has in her marriage: children, a home life built together, her husband's trust.

Ellie's column runs Monday through Friday. Send e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.

DEAR ELLIE: At work, there was a guy who I hit it off with right away. We'd talk every day after work on the phone but we only hung out occasionally because I had a boyfriend. Seven months into our friendship, he decided it shouldn't continue. I still had a crush on him, though.

Three years later, I broke up with my boyfriend. My friend and I soon got intimate. But we don't talk very much. We watch movies or eat dinner or fool around. When we're out and have nothing to say, we both just stare around.

I like him as a friend and more, but why do we have that awkwardness of nothing to say?

Lost for Words

DEAR READERS: Play Ellie and offer your advice on this situation: E-mail your response to lifestyles@suntimes.com; put Play Ellie in the subject field. We'll print a sample of your advice in a future column.

DEAR READERS: Play Ellie and offer your advice on this situation: E-mail your response to lifestyles@suntimes.com; put Play Ellie in the subject field. We'll print a sample of your advice in a future column.