Depression starts whenever a 'hot woman' appears

ASK ELLIE | He thinks life would be sweeter if only he had a babe on his arm

DEAR ELLIE: I'm a man in my 20s who gets depressed when I see a beautiful woman. Whether I'm walking down the street, watching TV (an actress or an anchorwoman), see a friend's girlfriend or any other hot girl, I'll get depressed.

I avoid watching certain shows or even award shows because I know I'll see tons of gorgeous girls and get depressed because I don't have one myself. This happens primarily because I feel my life would be much better if I had a woman who was drop-dead gorgeous. I also feel this would stop the negative feelings I have when I do see a beautiful woman.

I've had a few girlfriends before but none of them have been gorgeous. They've been sweet, nice and cute but not hot.

I'm a good-looking guy, but for some reason I never get the hot girl. How can I stop these feelings?

Blue

DEAR BLUE: Look deeply at yourself instead of gazing at women so superficially. You are without a girlfriend for all the wrong reasons; by thinking a "drop-dead" beauty will rescue you from your imperfect life, you demonstrate how inadequate and insecure you really feel.

You need professional help to examine why you value yourself so low, other than granting yourself marks for having decent looks. Beautiful women also have brains and are rarely drawn to a guy who's only looking for "eye candy" to draw attention to himself as a so-called success.

See your family doctor if your depression continues and ask for a referral to see an individual counselor about your low self-image.

DEAR ELLIE: My ex-husband and I separated a year ago; he told me he couldn't live with me anymore. Our baby was then a year old and we were almost at our 10th anniversary. After a year of agony and frustration while we tried to get a separation agreement finalized, he now says he loves me and wants to come back. He recounts it as being a "fight" and he's sorry.

I see no possibility to reunite. He'd taken me and our marriage for granted and lied to me about secret relationships, among other things. His priorities are video games and internet porn. I'm tired of taking care of a 40-year-old child.

The way he's treated me since our separation proves he has no respect for me or my family. I explained this to him and written him in detail. Now I avoid talking to him.

I have a wonderful family with my parents and my daughter. How do I convince him it's over?

Closing Down

DEAR CLOSING DOWN: Your child deserves the effort you must make to finish this properly. That involves not only a separation agreement, including custody and access issues. As well, "separation counseling" may be required to help both of you move on.

Despite your decision being final, it's worthwhile to attend at least one joint session and several individual sessions with the clear purpose of accepting that there's going to be a divorce, and that the two of you still need to communicate with regard to your child.

Your family may be supportive, but this man will also be in your life because of your joint responsibility to your daughter. She needs to have contact with her father. You want to encourage this despite your anger, as it is in your child's best interests emotionally.

Ellie's column runs Monday through Friday. Send e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.