Serial flirt gives signals he wants another woman

ASK ELLIE | She moves in and learns he's texting 'friends,' proclaiming love for them

DEAR ELLIE: My choices in boyfriends have historically been poor. After a five-year hiatus from dating, I met a wonderful man. He pursued me; he wanted to become monogamous. We've been together for a year and recently moved in together.

Soon after we'd been together, I found a texting conversation on his phone, with a "friend," lasting the entire day, and they'd discussed meeting up. I was crushed and was about to leave. He said this was the way he normally chatted with his friends. He realized that it was inappropriate and would stop.

Still, I know he often tells his female friends how beautiful they are and how he loves them. Recently he met a friend of a friend online, and stated he'd fallen in love with her. He told me it was an inside joke and again apologized.

I've asked him if I'm affectionate, supportive and encouraging enough. He's constantly telling me how he loves me so much, how amazing I am, how he'd never cheat on me and wants to make a life with me. I just don't understand the continual need for attention from other women. Should I run for the hills?

Made Mistakes

DEAR MADE MISTAKES: Keep your sneakers close by the door and watch the signals; he's a flirt who craves female interest. Some men are born flatterers of women ... in a harmless way; others are born players. You need to watch this one for the final call on what you've landed.

But do not make the mistake of constantly snooping, or else your insecurity and suspicions will just drive him away. Nor should you question how he feels about you. This is about his basic character and need for attention, not about your shortcomings as his partner.

If he keeps doing things that are admittedly "inappropriate," with reference to other women, too many apologies should add up to too many errors. And he's out!

DEAR ELLIE: My daughter's father and I separated a month after her birth (after a five-year relationship). His depression led to him spending all his time with his friends; at home, he hid in the basement and only came up to yell at me.

I moved back with my parents when he became violent. Since then he's lost three jobs, segregated himself from family and spends all his time getting high (he's 28).

I want badly to be a family, as I love him, or at least who he once was. He makes promises, then resumes being miserable and hateful. He spends little time with my daughter. Yet underneath, he's a great guy.

I've gotten a therapist and asked him repeatedly to do the same; he never does. I know he loves his daughter and deep down still loves me, but I keep being sucked down with him. Do I continue to try or start a new life without him?

Brokenhearted

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Give up trying to find the Missing Guy. He may one day change, but only if he's the one who wants to turn his life around. Or he may never be a man you can count on to be a responsible partner to you and father to your daughter.

Meanwhile, your living on false dreams about this man will only build her up to be disappointed. Move forward in your life, start dating and bring up your daughter to have confidence in herself that she has no blame for her father not being regularly involved with her.

Ellie's column runs Monday through Friday. Send e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.