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Husband claims right to snoop

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Updated: May 29, 2014 5:07PM



Dear Abby: I married a great guy a short while ago. It’s the second marriage for both of us. He’s good to my kids, my parents, and even gets along with my ex-husband.

“Stan” moved into my home after we married. There’s only one major problem I’m having trouble dealing with: He goes through all my things, from my mail to my closet. I have caught him going through my glove compartment, the trunk of my car and anything else he can get his hands on.

He says he has a “right” to do it “because we are married,” but I don’t look at it that way. His first marriage did not go well. His ex didn’t cheat on him, so I don’t know where this is coming from.

Abby, I am squeaky clean. I have never given him any reason not to trust me.

I believe he’s just nosy. Meanwhile, I feel violated.

I have tried talking to him about it, but he just doesn’t get it. Please help before I end my new marriage.

— The New Mrs. in Delaware

Dear New Mrs.: “Great guys” do not rifle through their wives’ mail and belongings after having been asked not to. You say your husband’s first marriage didn’t go well, and she didn’t cheat on him. Do you know what did cause their divorce?

Your husband’s obsession with searching through your belongings is not normal behavior. There may be a chapter in his life you know nothing about.

Because you have asked him to stop, and he is either unwilling or unable to, it may take help from a licensed psychotherapist to get to the bottom of it. Of course, in order for that to happen, your husband would have to be willing. If he isn’t, you may indeed have to decide whether you can live with this “quirk” of his or would be better off without him.

Dear Abby: I am a teacher who loves my job. Now that the school year is winding down, may I ask you to pass on this suggestion to all the wonderful parents who send in gifts to their children’s teachers?

My family has food allergies. For this reason, unless the lovingly baked goodies have all the ingredients listed on the wrapping paper, my family cannot enjoy them. I usually pass on these goodies to other teachers and neighbors. (Please don’t think I’m not appreciative; this is purely a medical precaution.)

If I may suggest a gift idea: gift certificates for all kinds of flowers. How often do we receive the joy of flowers? Thank you for passing this along.

— Educator in South Carolina

Dear Educator:

You’re welcome.

While gift certificates for flowers are a wonderful idea, I’m sure a gift certificate for school supplies would also be welcomed, because many teachers purchase supplies for their classrooms out of their own funds.

Dear Readers: Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day, I would like to add my prayer of thanks to those men and women of our armed services who laid down their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace.

— Love, ABBY

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.



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