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Girlfriend’s insecurity is a growing problem

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Updated: May 29, 2014 5:01PM



Dear Abby: I’m 16 and I need help. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, “Bailey,” for six months and things are complicated. She’s very insecure, and it’s hard to keep her happy for any extended period of time.

I have thought about breaking up with her because I want her to be happy, and the same goes for me. But then I think I’d rather be miserable at times and happy at others and be with her, than end it and possibly feel worse.

Please give me some advice. I love Bailey and I don’t know what to do.

— Lost in Arizona

Dear Lost: Have a talk with Bailey and tell her that although you love her, her insecurity and mood swings make it difficult. If you do, it may give her something to think about. The problem with insecurity is it can eventually drive a boyfriend — or girlfriend — away when it becomes smothering.

P.S. There is truth to the saying that you can’t make someone happy; happiness has to come from within.

Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I are in our 40s and have been living together for several years. The house we live in is in his name only, and he pays the mortgage.

I own a townhouse I bought before I met him, and I make the payments on it. People often ask us why I don’t sell it. I usually give some excuse, but the real reason is, when he drafted his will, he left everything to his mother — at her insistence.

He seems to think it’s too much trouble and expensive to change his will to include me. I want to be sure I have a place to live, so I have kept my townhouse.

Needless to say, our views on this situation differ. What’s your opinion?

— Hedging My Bets in Texas

Dear Hedging: I think you are behaving rationally, because it should be quite clear that your boyfriend wants his assets to go to his mother — not you — in the event of his death. I hope you have your townhouse rented and are saving the income, because you may need the money later. That way, if your boyfriend suddenly keels over or the romance sours, you won’t be left with only memories.

Dear Abby: My niece confided in me that she and her fiance eloped. Her parents are planning her wedding for next month. I tried to advise her to tell her parents, but she still hasn’t. She’s living at home and her “fiance” lives in a different city.

I don’t pretend to understand why they felt like doing this. Should I just sit back while she continues to lie to her parents while they plan on her getting “married” in a month? I’m at a loss.

I wanted to give her a chance to come clean, but because she hasn’t, do I intervene? Do I threaten that if she doesn’t fess up, I’ll spill the beans? Or should I just let her keep heading down the road she’s on?

— Anxious Aunt

Dear Anxious: What do you think you will accomplish by breaking your niece’s confidence? If you divulge what she told you, she will never trust you again. I’ll give you my advice in four words: Keep your mouth shut.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.



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