Updated: April 27, 2014 11:25PM
Dear Abby: I have been married to a wonderful man for 30 years. Our marriage may not be perfect, but it’s quite good.
My dilemma is this: My husband keeps track of every time we have sex and has a personal goal of 100 times a year. In 2013, he informed me that we’d had sex only 76 times, and that was not adequate for him. He was quite upset about it.
Do you think tracking your sex life is normal, and what do you think about a couple married for 30-plus years having sex 76 times in a year? Is that normal? Also, keep in mind that he travels for business and is gone about 60 days a year.
Dear Pressured: Your husband sounds like a college student who is striving to get 100 notches on his belt. Rather than obsess about the number of times you have had sex, the quality of the experience should be more important. Fifty great times a year would be better than 100 so-so times, one would think. And no, I do not think your husband’s preoccupation is “normal” — whatever normal is these days.
Dear Abby: After six years of unsuccessful fertility work, my husband and I were forced to give up. Last summer his sister offered to be a surrogate for us, and we’ll use a donor egg since I have none. We have told only a few people.
We’re having an embryo transfer next week and thought we’d wait until after the first trimester to “announce.” But what is the proper way to do it when it’s not actually I who is expecting? And is there etiquette for having a baby shower in this situation?
We’re excited and proud of this opportunity, but it takes a lot of explaining for people to understand and not be judgmental. This is the closest we’ll ever get to experiencing pregnancy, and I want to enjoy it to the fullest.
— Modern Mom-to-Be in Washington
Dear Mom-to-Be: Congratulations on your pregnancy. Because it takes explaining, I recommend you share the happy news with your family and close friends by telling them in person. That way, you can answer any questions they may have directly. When you want “the world” to know, you may decide to send a mass email or post photos on the Internet.
As to having a baby shower — because this is a happy event you are celebrating and you will need things for the baby, I’m sure a friend will want to host one for you. Be sure to include your sister-in-law if she would like to attend.
Dear Abby: My 18-year-old granddaughter is seeing a 30-year-old man. What can I say to let her know he is way too old for her? I don’t want her to hate me.
— Loving Grandma in Florida
Dear Loving Grandma: I don’t think that telling your granddaughter the man is too old for her would be a good idea because it would imply that she is too young, and no 18-year-old wants to hear that. Tell her instead that you think she would have a lot more in common with someone closer to her age. This is particularly true if she is still in high school.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.