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Fiance a follower, not likely to change

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Updated: April 3, 2014 10:48PM



Dear Abby: My boyfriend, “Caleb,” and I have been dating for three years. I’m sure he’ll propose within the next few months. I’m having a problem with this because Caleb’s best friend, “A.J.,” will be proposing to his girlfriend in the next month. They should be able to enjoy their time and let all their friends know.

Caleb has always followed A.J.’s lead. When A.J. buys his girlfriend jewelry, I get jewelry. It makes me feel like an afterthought and that the gifts are not sincere.

If Caleb does propose close to the time that A.J. does, I’m going to say no. I don’t want a copycat engagement so my boyfriend can keep up with his best friend. Please advise.

— Coming in Second in New York

Dear Coming in Second: You appear to be frustrated because your boyfriend has a recessive personality and is a follower. It is unlikely that he is going to change. Frankly, Caleb doesn’t appear to be mature enough to be making decisions with lifelong consequences. You might be much happier with someone who is his own man.

Dear Abby: A year and a half ago, my doctor diagnosed me with ADHD. The medication I take is a stimulant and it curbs my appetite. I take it before school and it wears off by mid-afternoon. Because of this, I don’t feel hungry at lunchtime.

My teachers and schoolmates have noticed. They try to persuade me to eat, but I tell them I had a big breakfast or I’m just not hungry.

I know they mean well, but I want them to understand that I’m not anorexic. I don’t want them to know I have ADHD because some of them make fun of people who do. Do you have any suggestions?

— Anonymous in Iowa

Dear Anonymous: The principal of your school should be told that you are on doctor-prescribed medication that suppresses your appetite so that information can be shared with the teachers who supervise the cafeteria. That way you will receive less pressure to eat from the adults. Your classmates do not have to know.

If someone accuses you of being anorexic, just say that your doctor has told you your weight is normal. It’s a shame they would tease someone who has ADHD because it’s a condition that so many students and adults share. However, because you feel it would make you a target, you’re wise to say nothing.

Dear Abby: My husband is an only son. His mother lives an hour from us. I love her dearly, but when she calls to let us know she’s coming to visit on any given Saturday, she won’t give us a time of her arrival. She says she “doesn’t want to be bound by time” because she runs a lot of errands while she’s here.

She doesn’t appear to notice the inconvenience to me and my active family, who are bound to our house the entire day, waiting for her to show up. My husband brushes it off, but it frustrates me. How should I handle this in a kindly manner?

— Still Waiting in Texas

Dear Still Waiting: The next time your mother-in-law calls, ask her when she plans to be at your house because you have errands to run, too. When she says she doesn’t want to be bound by time, ask her to call you on your cellphone and let you know when she’s done with her errands and you’ll meet her at the house. That way, none of you is tied down or inconvenienced.



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