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Sometimes even the savviest dater falls for a line

Updated: May 23, 2014 6:50PM

You’d think if you met a man on J-Date, he’d be Jewish. If you met a woman on Christian Mingle, she’d be Christian. If you met a man at a singles event, he’d be single.

Lucy was at a singles dance, being hassled by what she dismissed as “creeps and losers.” She declined their invitations to dance and stood alone, radiating boredom and annoyance, when she felt that sensation you get when someone is staring at you. She turned around to see a man she calls “an absolutely gorgeous preppie-looking hunk.”

The man with his eye on her was Tram and he wasn’t part of the singles group. He was from out-of-town, attending a three-day management seminar at the hotel. He had stopped in for a quick drink after checking in. He was divorced with a 3-year-old son. He and Lucy talked some, danced, talked, danced some more.

“There was an instant sizzling chemistry,” says Lucy. The fact that she was 10 years older didn’t bother either one of them.

“The next three nights were like something out of a romance novel. During the days he attended the seminar, and I worked. For three nights I drove to the hotel from my house in the suburbs and spent the night there. Everything clicked. We were so compatible, sharing the same views on love, goals, and interests.”

Alas. Even management seminars reach their closing presentations. On the last night Tram was in obvious pain, barely able to hold back his tears. He merely toyed with his surf ‘n’ turf. When he spoke he was agitated.

“Lucy,” he said finally, “I love you.”

But love is rarely easy. Especially for a man like Tram who, as he explained somberly to Lucy, believed so deeply in the sanctity of the family unit that he felt honor-bound to attempt a reconciliation with his ex-wife. His reason struck at Lucy’s heart and made her care for him more; he couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing his son. Lucy certainly could understand this. She herself had raised a daughter alone and knew how important it was for a child to have a father.

The two consoled one another and finally decided they had only three options.

“We decided we could 1. Run away and get married, 2. Correspond or 3. Never contact each other again,” says Lucy. “We decided to correspond.”

They parted tearfully. A few days later she wrote him a rather lengthy and steamy letter. Then one day while she was at home she got a phone call from one of her coworkers. Tram had called! She was to call him that night. Her friend, who had been filled in on every detail of this romance, was betting he was calling to say, “Let’s get married.”

Lucy reached him that night. It was not quite the scenario she and her office companion had created so fancifully.

“He confessed he was still married and that his wife had found the letter. His son was not 3 years old, he was 3 months old. And this wasn’t the first time he had cheated.”

Lucy didn’t say much, being in shock.

“I’m definitely not the naive type,” she says. “I’ve been around and usually can spot a married man easily. But this one, he fooled me.”

Have you been fooled by a married man or woman? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to And check out my new ebook Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front.


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