Updated: March 18, 2014 4:15PM
Maggie is 5 feet 6 and 245 pounds, down from her personal high of 298 pounds. She calls herself “Rubenesque” in her online profiles. Even so, men frequently are not prepared for her.
She and Dex met online, starting emailing and had a warm, friendly half-hour chat. They made a date to meet at a Starbucks near her house. She said she would be wearing black slacks, a white blouse and a red jacket. He said he’d be the one in the blue blazer. When she arrived, he was reading a book.
“He looked up and then turned away as though I couldn’t be who he was waiting for,” Maggie says. “I went up to him and asked if he were Dex. I’ve never seen such a look of total disappointment on anyone’s face. All the color drained out, as if his worst nightmare had just come true.”
It’s not as if Dex would give Brad Pitt competition.
“He was not very good-looking,” Maggie says. “He was losing his hair and developing a paunch, and his skin was blotchy like he had had a recent bout of acne. He was not particularly well-dressed, either.”
The date, needless to say, was less than magical. Dex was hostile, spoke only when addressed, then responded with one-word answers. Maggie says the night had all the charm of a dental appointment or a job interview.
“I was home in half an hour.”
Not all the men who responded to her “Rubenesque” ad were put off by her weight. Some were positively turned on by it, which turned her off.
“Some of the men were really into heavy women. Those are the only kind that can sexually arouse them. I was sitting in my car kissing one of these guys once, and he grabbed me by the waist and said, ‘You’re such a nice, fat girl.’ That was the beginning of the end for me. He didn’t care anything about me and what I’m like. All he wanted was someone soft and mushy.”
Maggie’s not easily discouraged. In one summer she went through 31 men, all of whom responded to her profile. They included one fellow with a harem of fat women, six or seven of them, each of whom he visited weekly. The 32nd man was Kyle.
“His picture wasn’t great, but his profile had a warmth and wit that touched me,” Maggie says. “We emailed and chatted, then met. We’ve been dating for 10 months now. I’m certain he had some barriers to cross as far as my weight was concerned. And I had to make a few adjustments in my standard of what I considered attractive. . . .”
“Well,” she says, “he’s kind of a nerd. A real daddy-jeans person. He wears a maintenance man key chain that clips on to his belt. He bought one for my son, too. I always envisioned myself with someone more yuppie. He doesn’t drive a BMW; he has a Nissan Sentra. He doesn’t belong to a health club. He’s a hard-working, blue-collar guy who’s made it in a white-collar world, and I’m happy with him. If it goes on forever, it would be wonderful.”
Have you ever dated outside your comfort zone? How do that work? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to firstname.lastname@example.org. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.Creators Syndicate