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Three decades of comments sum up relationships

Updated: March 18, 2014 4:15PM

I’ve culled nearly 30 years of “Tales from the Front” columns to find those comments that really seem to sum up what relationships are all about . . .

“He can call me in the middle of the night, come over at 3 a.m., tell me he loves me and how empty his life would be without me. But if I call him on a Sunday and say, ‘I’m lonely. What are you doing?’ — that’s pressuring him.”

“One of the first things I thought of when I got divorced was, ‘Who am I going to be buried next to?’ “

“I got the Crate & Barrel summer catalogue in the mail and the first thing I thought was, ‘I wish I were married.’ “

“I call divorced women with kids who still live in the suburbs ‘housewives without husbands.’ They’ve got a married mentality and they live a married lifestyle. It’s the worst of all possible worlds.”

“I’ve locked myself in a stall in the ladies room at work more times than I care to remember. Then I come out with my eyes red-rimmed from crying and say, ‘. . . and how many thousands of dollars did you say you’d like to invest?’ “

“A friend who just got divorced excitedly asked me, ‘What’s the best part of dating?’ I said, ‘It’s when the date’s over and I’m on one side of the door and he’s on the other.’

“A lot of women have this problem that if they’re not feeling loved every minute, they don’t feel loved at all.”

“You don’t date the men you think you deserve, you date the men you think you can get.”

“I like the idea of being with him more than being with him.”

“The greatest line I ever heard came from a mortician I once dated. He hugged me and said, ‘You’re so warm!”

“The best parts of being single are less laundry and I can read for hours and not feel I’m neglecting someone else’s needs.”

“Even the end of a lousy relationship hurts. I’ve grieved over guys I never even cared about. It’s loneliness and having to start all over again.”

“I know this is dating me, but I’ve got to say it: She pulled a ‘Starsky and Hutch.’ The car was still moving when she jumped out.”

“When I meet a man, I determine in the first 10 seconds if I want to kiss him, marry him, bear his children. I walk into every party and look around to see if my future husband is there.”

“Relationships are like shopping. If you expect to go to a supermarket and get whatever you want ready-made, you can’t. You have to get the raw materials and cook them.”

“I’ve been married, divorced, lived with a woman and lived alone. And whatever I’m doing, eventually something else looks better.”

“I’ve never talked with my friends about sex — mine, theirs or anybody’s. But in my bachelor years I could have written a book about male sexual habits. Not from talking to the men, but from talking to women. They tell everything.”

“Dating around is just like a series of job interviews.”

How would you sum up relationships in a sentence or two? Send your reply, along with your questions, problems and rants to And check out my new website


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