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When bad dates happen to good people

Updated: March 18, 2014 4:15PM

They’re called blind dates, but maybe, in the interest of truthfulness, they should be called blind, deaf, clueless, time-wasting, soul-sucking dates.

JOANNA: I had a friend who was always trying to fix me up with short guys. I’m 5’2” and she was a lot taller. She wouldn’t date a guy who was too short and passed up some really nice guys. I never turned a guy down because he was too short, but I did tell her I didn’t want to perpetuate a race of Munchkins.

It drove her crazy when I married my 6-foot tall husband. She’s still single.

NANCY: For many years, I went dateless by choice. I was very busy raising my daughter and I’d made a decision not to date until she was out of high school so I could concentrate on her. (And let me tell you, she needed the attention more than when she was younger!). But friends of mine refused to think I was okay with that and kept blindsiding me with dates, all of which were incredibly icky.

Example One: One of my friends said she had an extra ticket to the ballet that evening. Imagine my horror when I show up at the ballet, thinking I’d be meeting her, and there was a guy holding a big piece of cardboard with my name written on it. He was wearing a bright green suit (think Kermit) and was about 5 feet tall. (I’m 5’8” in my stocking feet).

He recognized me before I could flee back to my car. I stayed because it seemed unfriendly to leave Mr. Green Suit standing there alone, plus I wanted him to get rid of the sign before any of my friends saw it. We ended up having a good time, but I never quite forgave that friend!

Example Two: Another well meaning friend also decided it was time for me to start dating. One Saturday afternoon, she called me and asked me to meet her at the local pub for a beer. I had just finished cleaning the house and was hot and sweaty. I thought a beer sounded good, so I jumped in my car as I was (hair pulled back in a bandana and all) and went to the pub in the clothes I wore to scrub the floor.

Imagine my shock and embarrassment when I got to my friend’s table and there she was with her boyfriend and his best friend, my date for the afternoon! What could I do? I decided to roll with it and laugh it off.

Example Three: Another well-meaning friend set up an online dating profile for me without my knowing it. (These girls are obsessed with marrying me off!) She screened some candidates and finally admitted what she had done and handed me the email of a man she thought would be perfect.

He sounded great — a professor of sociology and was well-off from investing and family money. We got so far as to talk on the phone several times, and I thought something about him sounded a bit off. (Ladies! Listen to that little voice!) A few days later it was my birthday and my friends took me out for brunch. My cell phone rang and it was a woman I’d never met before. You guessed it, it was hiswife. I stopped the online dating thing right then and there.

Have you had any memorable blind dates? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to And check out my new website

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