Updated: March 18, 2014 4:15PM
Whatever shape your New Year’s Eve took, I hope it didn’t resemble the hysteria of Emily and Jake’s.
They had one of those passionate affairs filled with over-the-top fights and X-rated make-ups. Emily says part of it was her fault: “I was on birth control that made me a raging lunatic.” But Jake contributed his fair share.
Things got out of control the New Year’s Eve after she drove five hours to be with him. Jake was having a lavish party complete with a band, karaoke and jungle juice made with high-proof grain alcohol.
The night started out great. Emily met all Jake’s new friends and reacquainted herself with his old ones. “We had an amazing time,” she recalls. “I was really enjoying myself.”
Jake had rented a room at a nearby hotel so they wouldn’t have to deal with his drunken roommates after the party. It was when they were in the parking lot, getting ready to drive there, that Dr. Jekyll turned into Mr. Hyde.
“He said to me, ‘Why did you have to sit so close to my friends?’ I gave him a look like he had lost his mind and said, ‘What are you talking about? Why are you ruining a perfectly good night?’
“He said: ‘You know exactly what I’m talking about. Do you know how embarrassed I was to have someone point out to me that you were practically on top of Derek when you were talking to him?’
“I said: ‘You can’t be serious. The music was so loud that I had to sit close to talk to him and Derek is your friend and I was with you the entire time. Stop this, or I will leave. Don’t think a five-hour drive in the middle of the night will stop me.’ Well, he didn’t stop.”
Emily got into her own car, ready to make that five-hour trek back home. Jake, “being the semi-macho and partly psychotic idiot that he was,” stood behind her car to stop her.
“I told him, ‘Move, or I’ll run you over.’ ”
He didn’t move, so she backed into him, gently. But still . . .
“He fell to the ground, yelling for me not to run him over. What a drama queen! I got out of the car and started yelling at him for being a child and an idiot and that I should be the only one who matters when it comes to this relationship, not his stupid friends who barely know either of us.”
This continued for another 15 or 20 minutes, until the cops began to circle the parking lot. Because this wasn’t the first time that Emily and Jake had had a “domestic dispute” in a public place, they knew it was time to go.
“We both knew I could have had him arrested at the drop of a hat. I never would, but occasionally I’d let him know that I still could.” Some couples would have called it quits at this point, but not Emily and Jake.
“As much as we hated each other at times like these, we always made up, silver-screen style, complete with blood, sweat and tears. It was just another day for us, just another fight, and things went back to normal the next day.”
Are you in a crazy-passionate relationship? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants, to firstname.lastname@example.org.