Weather Updates

Candid conversation leads to great wedded sex

10-19-07 Dr. LaurBerman studio......Rich Hein/Sun-Times

10-19-07 Dr. Laura Berman in studio......Rich Hein/Sun-Times

storyidforme: 58855525
tmspicid: 10681067
fileheaderid: 4898715

Updated: April 14, 2014 4:47PM

What do you remember about your wedding night?

Many people choose to abstain from sex until they are married. However, making the leap from abstinence to sexual intimacy all in one night can be difficult for couples. A recent study from Utah Valley University surveyed virgins after their wedding nights. They found that only 44 percent of couples had discussed the wedding night before marriage, and only 21 percent had discussed sexual boundaries.

Although waiting until marriage can be a beautiful and sacred choice, it also can leave couples floundering for information when the time to have sex actually arrives. They might not know how to approach foreplay, how to initiate sex, how to ask for what they want, or how to negotiate sexual boundaries and desires. Many people — women in particular — struggle to let go and enjoy sex because they have so long believed that sex is “dirty” or “bad.” It can be hard to flip that switch and simply start enjoying sex just because there is now a ring on your finger.

Virgins aren’t the only ones who might face such issues on their wedding night. Couples everywhere should discuss sexual desires and issues before marriage. Talk about how often you want to have sex, how you feel about initiating sex, how important sex is to you, and what boundaries you need respected. You can even delve into issues such as masturbation and pornography to make sure that you are on the same page about your sexual desires and limits. And, don’t forget to talk about any sexual preferences or fantasies you might have (that’s important to discuss no matter how long you have been married).

Regardless of how sexually experienced you are, great sex begins with great communication. Whether you are waiting until marriage or you have had numerous partners, every relationship benefits from open and honest feedback in the bedroom.

© 2014 Sun-Times Media, LLC. All rights reserved. This material may not be copied or distributed without permission. For more information about reprints and permissions, visit To order a reprint of this article, click here.