Updated: March 18, 2014 4:15PM
Today, men offer advice on everything from fishing to dating.
MARTY: When I was in high school, I got tired of hearing, “You’re a nice guy but . . .” and being friends with the pretty and popular girls who’d never go out with me.
I was chasing the prom queens and bathing beauties of the world. I set my sights too high, then I’d get disappointed and my self-esteem would take a hit. My negative feelings about myself would get reinforced and the cycle would continue. I realized while I was still in high school that I was on a merry-go-round.
Even though I saw some of my destructive patterns, I didn’t really get off the carousel until aftermy divorce. The light really came on when I met woman after woman who was fun to be with yet who probably went through the same things that I did back in the day. Some were tall, some were short, some skinny, some fat, yet all were fun to be with. I never lowered my standards and continued to chase whom I wanted. I just started fishing in a bigger pond.
I would advise men to look around at all the beautiful women out there who fail to meet the standards of the glossy magazines. They have a lot to offer.
JON: I have a pet peeve and I need to vent. In more than one of your columns, I’ve read letters from women complaining about men with a low sex drive. Invariably someone will pipe up and assert that a man’s lack of sexual desire is explained by his homosexuality. As though homosexuality is defined by a lack of prowess with the opposite gender rather than by an attraction to the same gender.
I’m 35 and single and I’ve been celibate for many years. I have no desire to date and am morally opposed to one-night stands and hookers. My career is young and growing and most days it doesn’t even occur to me that I’m not “getting any.” et there are many people who, in all seriousness, will look me in the eye and ask, “Are you gay?’
Please get out this message: A man is not gay because he has little desire to be with a woman. A man is gay because he desires to be with another man.
VICTOR: I’m a 58 year oldsingle white male, never married. I have certain guidelines that I follow in my relationships.
1. Remember the person you marry is not the person you date. When dating everyone is always on his best behavior.
2. Before committing to an exclusive, committed relationship leading to marriage, travel together. If you can’t get along for a week on vacation at a place you both like, how can you get along in everyday life with its responsibilities, problems and stress?
3. If your girlfriend starts talking about getting married and having babies, buy her a puppy. If a woman can’t handle the responsibility of raising a puppy how can she possibly raise a child? Not everyone is made to be a mother.
What advice about dating and mating would you like to pass along? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to email@example.com. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.