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Online dating not helping her meet right kind of men

Updated: March 18, 2014 4:15PM



Dear Cheryl,

It’s been a year since my divorce. Dating has been the most awful thing I’ve experienced in the past 12 months. I put myself on two online dating websites. I felt like a piece of meat.

Here’s how these websites work. You put pictures and a description of yourself on your page along with what you’re looking for in a partner. Since my divorce, I’ve gone down to a size 6 or 8. I’ve become quite thin and attractive and have made myself over.

I’ve meet quite a few men on these sites. The relationships are fine, then the men stop calling. I think they become insecure because of my appearance.

I’ve met men who are looking for someone to sleep with, nothing more. When you say no, they’re gone. I’ve met some nice men, but they’ve become buddies rather than romantic partners.

I’ve been looking for someone close to my age, but they’re the worst ones. I’ve met someone younger, and he’s a lot more mature than the older ones.

I did meet someone whom I really like, but I can’t take the risk of letting him know because we’re friends.

I just don’t know how to start dating again. These online sites are one big smorgasbord of crazy. How else can I meet someone nice and respectful? — i’m ready already

Dear I’m Ready Already: If I had a secret formula for making “nice and respectful” men and women pop up on command, I would be writing this column on a solid gold laptop.

Instead, I’m typing away on a Dell that’s on its last legs.

The absolute truth is that “nice and respectful” men and women are everywhere. At parents’ night at school, at bookstores, at coffee shops. And they’re dying to find other “nice and respectful” men and women. So, why don’t they?

They may be afraid of getting hurt, like you. I’m guessing that’s why you’re not letting your friend know that you’d like to be more than just friends.

What’s the worst that can happen? He tells you he’s not interested? It’ll be awkward for a hot minute, but you’ll get over it. But if you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll never know.

Or they may be thinking too narrowly, like you. What’s wrong with a younger man? You seem to have more in common with them. Don’t let preconceived ideas of whom you should be with stand in your way.

As far as the Internet goes, it’s the best thing that ever happened to dating, and the worst.

It’s the best because, as you’ve found out, you can meet more men in a week than you could in a lifetime. Why is it the worst? Because the men you’re meeting can meet more women in a week than they could in a lifetime.

To some men (and women) — especially those recently divorced — the idea of having a virtually unlimited pool of potential partners is a vision of heaven. Why settle down when there are so many more people out there?

But let me tell you, it gets old pretty quickly. Look for someone who’s been divorced for a while. They’re more interested in finding a partner, not just a date.

So, my advice is keep your eyes open, go back on the sites, keep positive, have a sense of humor and send the absolute worst dates to me!

Got a problem? Or a question? Or do you just want to rant? Send it to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com . And check out my new website askcheryl.net.



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