Is it bad to be average?
By Cheryl Lavin September 23, 2013 9:15AM
I was looking for a quotation about beauty to start this column. I found a lot of sappy ones, but I finally came across this one by Adlai Stevenson: “A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you.” Don’t you love it?
DREW: For several years I worked as a photographer’s assistant helping him with fashion shoots. I was always struck by the high, thin voices of the female models and their lack of interest in anything other than the latest lip gloss and hair extension.
It always seemed to me that they had gotten so much attention in their young lives from being beautiful that they never bothered to develop any other part of themselves.
I know this sounds like a real stereotype, and there are, of course, exceptions, but it’s what I found over and over again.
STELLA: Many years ago when I was in college, I had a conversation with two male friends. We were talking about the differences in how men and women view attractiveness.
I told them my feelings about it. The nicer a guy is the more physically attractive he starts to look and conversely the bigger the jerk the uglier he starts to look. My female friends all felt the same way. We had all had the experience of having at least one guy who caught our eye instantly. But one conversation was usually all it took to see behavior we didn’t care for, and then he started to not look so good.
Fortunately we all had the other kind of experience, too. Meeting a guy who wasn’t an instant head-turner, yet proved to be so sweet and caring, that he suddenly started to look handsome.
That’s what I taught my two male friends that night.
What did they teach me? “It doesn’t matter how much of a witch a girl is, if she’s hot you still want to (gain intimate knowledge of) her.” I have never forgotten that conversation as I think it so highlights the difference of the sexes.
ANNIE: When I take my kids to school, go to work, socialize with friends, etc. I’m mostly surrounded by average-looking people married to other average-looking people. Some are nicer people than others, some are meaner than others, but mostly their personalities are also just about average. Apparently, most people don’t have a tremendous amount of trouble finding a mate no matter what they look like.
I think that most people who complain that they can’t find a mate because of their appearance may be overlooking something that is “inside the packaging” but peeking through and making them unattractive.
Are they needy? Do they feel insecure and, in attempting to cover it up, behave in a way that makes it more apparent? Do they act like a jerk because they’re afraid other people will act like a jerk towards them? Are they super-touchy? Are they chasing after people clearly out of their league and ignoring people who are in their league because they feel they deserve better? Are they self-centered?
That’s not to say that some people are just unlucky, but I think the first step for anyone looking for a mate is to become comfortable with themselves: contents and package, inside as well as out.
Are you a 10 married to a 5? Or vice-versa? How’s that working for you? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to email@example.com. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.