Tempted to have sex with the ex? Don’t
DR. LAURA BERMAN August 14, 2013 4:30PM
Have you ever had sex with your ex?
A new study from the University of Arizona has found that sex with your ex-spouse actually might help some heal after divorce. The researchers surveyed more than 130 people who recently split from their partners. Their findings — published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology — found that one-fifth of the study participants had sex with their ex following the divorce.
Some reported that the ex-sex actually made their divorce less painful and traumatic. The researchers found that those who reported not being “over” their ex were most likely to report positive benefits following sex with the ex.
So, is sex with a one-time spouse a good idea?
Probably not. There are many factors to consider when going through a divorce, especially when intimacy is on the table. If one of you is pushing for a divorce while the other is holding on and hoping for reconciliation, sex can only confuse things. It can make the already hurt partner feel further rejected and used, and also increase feelings of bonding where none truly exists.
While sex with the ex might be tempting, it’s a detour from long-term growth and healing. Falling into bed with the familiar may seem easier than moving on to the unknown next stage of your life. But once the positive feelings of ex-sex fade, it will only complicate the legal, financial and emotional aspects of divorce, leave you stuck in limbo and prevent you from moving on and discovering a new relationship.