Letting both partners shine works best in relationships
By Cheryl Lavin August 29, 2013 9:54AM
Updated: September 5, 2013 4:33PM
We recently heard from I Can’t Help It I’m Successful, whose brothers told her men prefer women who earn less than them, are less educated, and less successful. Many of you disagreed. Here’s Charlotte who says, “Just a minute . . .”
“In my opinion, men like to be known as the breadwinner, the one with the most prestige and influence. Men will say that they’re OK with a women earning more and that’s true as long as she doesn’t let anyone else know it or act as if she’s the got the money and the power. It’s politically correct for men to say they don’t care if a woman makes more money, it’s like saying, ‘I’m not a racist.’ But we hear about racist behavior in the news everyday so obviously someone still is.”
ICHIIIS was criticized for bringing up her Harvard degree early on. Charlotte says, “On a first date, it might be an attempt to connect with the date. A sort of ‘Who do you know that I know?’ thing.”
She says men who get their self-esteem from what they can do for a woman don’t want a woman who’s financially independent. “With three questions: ‘Where’d you go to school? What do you do? Where do you live?’ a man can quickly identify a woman who’s in the six figure income bracket.”
Charlotte says she’s dated men with “less education, less travel, and less exposure to worldly experiences” but it always turned out badly. “I had one date tell me, ‘I’m tired of hearing about your day.’ I was an account executive for a Fortune 100 company at the time and I was telling him how I had matched wits with a competitor. And, yes, I got a rush from feeling confident, smart and strong! Too bad, my date didn’t feel that way. When I asked how his day was at work he replied, ‘My job is pressing buttons to fill boxes of cereal.’ We’d been out once before, but this was our last date.”
Charlotte has some advice for ICHIIIS. “First, take it down a notch. Don’t talk about work as much until the guy is someone you’re interested in and he’s interested in you. Keep your dates on the less expensive side so he doesn’t feel like you must be flown to dinner in Paris to be impressed, (Yes, men want to impress you. It’s a holdover from the caveman days, I guess.) Focus on ethnic restaurants, not ones with Michelin stars.
“Second, try to find a man who’s confident and realizes that he may not be able to match you dollar for dollar but can offer things that money can’t buy — kindness, love, companionship, great sex (let’s be honest!), someone to call when the fuse blows or your tire goes flat and you’re in the mall parking lot.”
Charlotte is dating someone now who isn’t as educated, sophisticated or well-compensated as she is, but he’s “kind, loving and compassionate. I could call AAA when I get a flat, but when I call him, he immediately says, ‘Stay put. I’ll be there.’ I’ve tried to dissuade him, but you know what? Fixing things, taking care of me is what he likes to do. And I can buy us the dinners, weekends in Michigan and concert tickets that he can’t. So far, so great.
Men, how do you feel about women picking up the check? Women, how do you feel about paying for dates? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to firstname.lastname@example.org. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.