Updated: September 24, 2012 6:25AM
Using slurs more biting than anything he says on “Two and a Half Men,” Charlie Sheen cut loose Thursday with vicious attacks on his boss, and the results were swift and decisive.
CBS and Warner Bros. Television, which produces the hit sitcom, shut down the show for the rest of the season and minced no words in stating why: The decision was “based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition.”
It followed a series of interviews in which Sheen excoriated “Two and a Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre, first on Alex Jones’ conspiracy-minded radio show, and then to TMZ.com.
“I’ve spent, I think, close to the last decade, I don’t know, effortlessly and magically converting [Lorre’s] tin cans into pure gold,” he told Jones. “And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write.”
Angry that the show didn’t resume production when he felt ready, Sheen slammed Lorre as a “clown” and referred to him as “Chaim Levine,” a Hebrew variation on his birth name, Charles Levine.
“This bootleg cult arrogantly referred to as AA now supports a 5 percent success rate,” he said. “My success rate is 100 percent.” He insisted he cured his problems in “a nanosecond,” using only his mind.
“He’s totally lost it,” a source close to the show told me Thursday night. “This is upending so many lives — the crew members in particular, who have remained so loyal to Charlie through all his ups and downs. But now not only is this the end of the season, it likely means the end of the show.”
A friend of the actor’s father, Martin Sheen, quoted him as saying, “Who will ever want to work with him again? Hollywood’s a small town.”
HOLDING GRUDGE: The royal wedding snub of Sarah, Duchess of York, was not Prince William’s idea. A Buckingham Palace pro insists it was Queen Elizabeth herself who demanded her grandson not invite his aunt.
The British monarch is said to be totally focused on the royals’ future and believes William and Kate Middleton — and their down-to-earth approach to life — will ensure that future. The queen reportedly is really done with Fergie for many reasons, including her infamous “toe-sucking,” her more recent attempt to sell access to her ex-husband, Prince Andrew, and something a bit surprising.
Apparently, the Queen thinks that Weight Watchers ad campaign Fergie fronted was tacky and inappropriate — even for an ex-royal.
JUST THE SPOT: Chicago cabaret star Denise Tomasello headlined frequently at the Pump Room, so it’s great that the bars tools Tomasello bought at the famed eatery/nightspot’s recent auction now reside in her Gold Coast home. The talented singer performs her one-woman show March 9 at Maxim’s.
BOW WOW! Hickory, the Scottish Deerhound that was the first of her breed to win at the Westminster Dog Show this year, will hit town this weekend to compete in the International Kennel Club’s Cluster of Dog Shows at McCormick Place North Saturday and Sunday.
WHO YOU GONNA CAST? Ashton Kutcher is said to be close to signing on to star in the long-brewing “Ghostbusters 3,” directed by Ivan Reitman, who bonded with Kutcher when they made “No Strings Attached” together.
Along with the return of “Ghostbusters” veterans Harold Ramis and (presumably) Bill Murray, Ramis has said this updated sequel will need contemporary young stars to make it score at the box office.
DOWN THE AISLE: Hugh Hefner’s wedding date with 24-year-old Crystal Harris is now set: June 18 at the famous Playboy mansion in Los Angeles.
SEEN ON THE SCENE: Young “Whip My Hair” singer Willow Smith was in our area this week — hosting a VIP roller skating party at the Fleetwood Rink in Summit to boost her “I Love Me” campaign to encourage kids to love themselves and others. ... The crowd at Hub 51 went crazy Wednesday night when Miami Heat stars Dwyane Wade and Le- Bron James hit the hot eatery for a late night snack — accompanied by 20 (!!!) security guards.
OSCAR BUZZ: The exact same five actresses up for best actress Sunday at the Oscars will compete against each other Saturday at the Independent Spirit Awards. While “Black Swan” star Natalie Portman is expected to win the Oscar, Jennifer Lawrence is said to be the frontrunner at the Indies for “Winter’s Bone” — given the younger, hipper and edgier aspect of that group’s voters.