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Rich Bucktown guy seeks love through ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’

Daniel Kibblesmith

Daniel Kibblesmith

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1. Avoid TMI (too much information) by keeping your mouth shut and listening.

2. Don’t drink more than two drinks. If you get to a third drink, most women can’t tolerate it and will talk too much. (See Rule 1.)

3. Let the man lead if you’re a woman. If you’re a man, lead.

4. No sex before monogamy. Sex too early can make you “feel like you’re in love even if he’s a loser.”

5. Don’t worry if you haven’t met him or her yet. If you’re dating, he or she is right around the corner.

Updated: November 16, 2011 1:19AM

Daniel Kibblesmith has money.

The Bucktown resident apparently made a small fortune at Groupon as a humor editor, working on corporate “cultural initiatives” like naming an office couch “Sofa Coppola.”

But money can’t buy love. So at the urging of Groupon’s public relations director, he turned to Patti Stanger, the third-generation love emissary who attempts to hook up the rich and clueless on Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker.”

“I have had sort of a bumpy start into dating life,” said the 27-year-old Oak Park native. “I’ve had girlfriends in the past, but things haven’t worked out. I was open to the experience.”

“The Millionaire Matchmaker,” now in its fifth season, features Stanger weighing in on the looks and lifestyles of lovelorn Richie Riches, who generally come in two types. There are the overly processed, sports car-driving, designer dud-wearing men who have trouble thinking of anyone but themselves. And then there are the rich yet wayward dorky geniuses who seem to have stumbled upon both wealth and the show.

While Stanger claims extraordinary success, there is no sense that the couples who meet on camera continue dating for long after the show ends. Many young relationships wither within the hour thanks to alcohol, ego or the fact that not everyone wants to fall in love with an aspiring Los Angeles model-actress willing to slum it on a reality show.

When he flew to California to tape the show, Kibblesmith knew nothing of Stanger or the women he would meet on an episode that airs at 8 p.m. Monday.

“I went in totally cold,” he said. “I’ve never seen ‘Millionaire Matchmaker,’ I hadn’t met her, I didn’t know what she looked like or how old she was.”

Kibblesmith can’t reveal if he found love out west. But he did say he was impressed with Stanger, who in an interview he compared to Morpheus, Gandalf and Yoda.

“She definitely had the eye-opening, wizard-like quality,” he said. “She knew what she wanted from me and she would accept nothing less.”

Her demands were reasonable, he said.

“Don’t spend the entire time talking about the Muppets,” he said she told him. “If you wear glasses, take them off and clean them.”

She also gave him fashion tips.

“I’m wearing the pants she bought me right now,” he said of the Penguin brand gray jeans. “She turned the cuffs up to a very particular length. I’ve found it’s difficult to re-create.”

He didn’t go into many details about the women he met but said his time on the show was something of a sensory assault.

“The [women] were very interesting, very colorful and occasionally loud,” he said.

The single ladies of Los Angeles smell good, apparently. Really good.

“The girls who appeared on the show smelled like expensive stores,” he said. “I don’t usually encounter women who smell like expensive stores.”

They were also thin. Really thin. Like “kites that had been drinking.”

“Physically, they’re very insect-like,” he said. “I don’t know if it’s diet or grooming.”

Chicago women “tend to be stronger, physically. That Midwestern stock sort of thing,” he said.

Stanger also thinks Chicago men are a little bigger. And for her, bigger is better.

“I think the hottest men come from Chicago,” she said. “They grow them big there. I like them big and burly.”

Stanger said Kibblesmith’s appearance was not about wanting to feature a Chicagoan on the show, which returned to Los Angeles this season after spending last season in New York City.

“It had nothing to do with Chicago,” she said. “It had to do with Bravo’s casting.”

Kibblesmith said the entire experience was nerve-racking. He felt like he was half asleep during his time with Stanger and his dates. “I think it’s a defense mechanism,” he said. “That sort of sleepwalking numbness that lets you put your body through this.”

Now waiting for the show to air, he can’t sleep.

“I was very nervous,” he said. “I’m still very nervous.”

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