Updated: June 30, 2013 8:21PM
An open letter to Alec Baldwin:
The results of the Life Lottery are in, and guess what? You won!
Your prize package is simply incredible, more than 99.9 percent of the planet’s inhabitants would dare even dream about.
Forbes has you at No. 83 onits list of the 100 most powerful celebrities in the world, neatly tucked between the author J.K. Rowling and the actress Emma Stone. You made a reported $8 million last year, and many estimates have your net worth at $65 million.
But wait, there’s more!
You won two Emmys, three Golden Globes and seven Screen Actors Guild Awards for your priceless work on “30 Rock,” which just completed a nifty eight-year run on NBC. You’re also considered one of the best hosts in the history of “Saturday Night Live,” and your TV commercials are hilarious as well.
Sometimes with all the accolades for your comedic prowess, people forget you’re one the finest dramatic actors of your generation. Your work in “Glengarry Glen Ross” is timeless. You were brilliant in “The Cooler,” “The Aviator” and “The Departed.”
Just like about anyone else, you’ve had some romantic ups and downs and some problems with your children, but these days, your personal life seems idyllic. You and your lovely wife Hilaria are expecting a baby. God bless.
You’re politically active, you’re socially conscious, you’re involved in a number of worthy causes, you’ve co-authored a book, you host a radio show called “Here’s the Thing” on WNYC. You’ve done it all and you continue to do it all. You’ve got the duplex penthouse in the city, the house on Long Island, the friends, family…
Nobody’s saying you’re not talented and you haven’t worked hard to achieve all you’ve attained. But there’s also and always the element of being blessed, of having great luck — and by all measures, you sir, are a Life Lottery winner.
So why not stop behaving like such an ass?
The Board of Common Sense.
Overreaction Hall of Fame
As you undoubtedly heard by now, Baldwin went on another Twitter rant after George Stark, a reporter for the Daily Mail, wrote a story claiming Baldwin’s wife was tweeting during James Gandolfini’s funeral last Thursday.
Baldwin launched a Twitter tirade, saying, “I want all my followers and beyond to straighten out this f------ little b---- George Stark,” and, “I’m gonna find you, George Stark, you toxic little queen, and I’m gonna f--- you up,” and, “I’d put my foot up your f------ a--, George Stark, but I’m sure you’d dig it too much.”
Now what do you think has gained more attention: Stark’s original article, or Baldwin’s reaction?
If you answered B., ding-ding-ding! You move on to the lightning round.
Due to some quirk in the Twitter timeline, the fact is Hilaria did NOT Tweet during the services for Mr. Gandolfini. The Daily Mail has acknowledged this and has apologized for the incorrect story.
One can’t blame Baldwin for being ticked off about the story. It was lousy, mean-spirited, hurtful “journalism.”
But as a high-profile public figure who’s been involved in more dust-ups than probably all of his celebrity friends put together, Baldwin never seems to learn. After Anderson Cooper and others called him out for homophobic language, Baldwin offered a ridiculous definition for the word “queen,” saying in part, “I know women that act queeny, I know men that are straight that act queeny, and I know gay men that act queeny. It doesn’t have to be a definite sexual connotation, or a homophobic connotation.”
OK, so what about the “foot up your f------ a--” comment? Got an explanation for that one?
Baldwin did send a letter to GLAAD, taking responsibility for an “ill-advised attack on George Stark” while still claiming it had “absolutely nothing to do with issues of anyone’s sexual orientation. … As someone who fights against homophobia, I apologize.”
And he quit Twitter — again — which is kind of a like 3-year-old blaming the cereal bowl for not having a lid on it after he knocked it over.
Twitter’s just the microphone, Alec. You’re the one using it to amplify your rants and raves.
In an interview with Gothamist, Baldwin said his rant wasn’t “a call for violence against a specific person because they’re gay, it’s a call for violence against a person who lied about my wife.”
And that makes it OK? What if some idiot took Baldwin’s words to heart and caused actual physical harm to Stark? Baldwin’s saying he’s all right with that?
Now that Baldwin’s won the Life Lottery, probably a good time to grow up.