Will Charlie Sheen crash on stage? Audiences want to find out

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Updated: August 4, 2011 4:20PM

During his much-ballyhooed appearance Sunday night at the Chicago Theatre, actor-provocateur-conspiracy theorist Charlie Sheen might kill, and he might die — in the comedy parlance of doing well or poorly, of course.

And plenty of folks will be on hand to bear witness.

Palatine resident Mark Janz, who works for a Loop job search company, scored a trio of second-row floor tickets a few days after they went on sale. Mostly from following Sheen’s ongoing saga, which began in earnest after the beleaguered bad boy and admitted drug user was fired earlier this month from the hit CBS sitcom “Two and a Half Men,” Janz became increasingly fascinated by Sheen’s special brand of crazy.

You know — the tiger blood, the warlocks, the trolls, the “goddesses.”

“You watch him and it’s like watching a car crash,” Janz said. “You can’t take your eyes off of it.”

Because Ticketmaster quickly exhausted its supply of Sheen tickets — due, it appears from recent reports, to brokers who snapped them up by the stack and still retain many unsold seats — Janz turned to a re-seller when hype was highest and prices at a premium.

And while he’d like to unload one of his $170 winners, he doesn’t much care if it’s wasted. “Worst-case scenario is I have to eat the extra,” said Janz, 29. “It’s not the end of the world. I think [the show] will be interesting. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be boring.”

Filter guitarist Rob Patterson, who is part of the Sheen circus, told Us magazine that music will be “interlaced throughout the show. It’s very music-heavy in the beginning and at the end, and there’s going to be some things in between. But as far as the show’s concerned, it’s just going to be Charlie Sheen. Use your imagination!”

In doing so, and merely in the spirit of personal amusement, some are envisioning and indeed wishing for the worst — whatever that turns out to be.

Iman Jalali, 28, also employed a transportation accident metaphor — specifically a “train wreck” — in describing what might happen onstage.

Unlike Janz, Jalali played it safe financially and shelled out only $40 each for two seats in the upper balcony. Paying more, he thought, would have been silly. Although now that better seats are cheaper than they once were thanks to dwindling demand, Jalali might hawk his nose bleeders and upgrade for a nominal cost to main-floor perches with a much better view.

The marketing director for a computer training company in Schaumburg, Jalali is particularly fascinated by Sheen’s promotional savvy.

“As much as people give him crap, he’s done a good job of creating a quick brand for himself, especially via Twitter,” Jalali said. “So people can say all they want, but the man’s going to be making $7 million [next] month just by doing an hour comedy deal.”

According to some reports, anyway. At this point, Jalali wonders, how much of the Chicago Theatre’s cavernous 3,600-seat auditorium will actually be filled? His prediction: not all of it.

“I don’t imagine it being half empty, but it’s not going to be the sold-out show that you’d expect from a show that sold out in one minute.”

Don Vacarro, CEO of Connecticut-based TicketNetwork, seems to agree. His company, an online exchange where ticket brokers can list their available inventory, has so far moved only around 2,300 for Sheen’s 20-show tour — roughly one-tenth that amount for the Chicago Theatre.

“This is definitely not a hot show,” he said. “The whole tour seems to be going downhill as we speak.”

Which is to say it’s a buyers’ market.

Janz, for his part, simply wants to be part of something totally unpredictable — to “laugh at and not necessarily laugh with” Sheen.

“I’m not expecting to leave there informed or inspired or anything,” he said, “just entertained.”