Not to worry: Chaz Bono’s dancing won’t make viewers change genders

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Updated: November 26, 2011 12:26AM

When ABC-TV announced Chaz Bono would be on the next season of “Dancing with the Stars,” their website was flooded with negative comments.

“I am floored, flabbergasted and appalled that ABC would even consider Chaz/Chastity as a ‘star’ for the show,” wrote one fan. “Star? How is she a star?”

“No matter what that fat lady did to her body she will remain what she was born to be ... Chaz Bono will be dancing with a woman? Hoooo. I’ve never seen it before, two women on a dance floor.”

“I hope and pray ABC will come to their senses by NOT promoting this medically and mentally dangerous path to our neighbors, especially our children.”

Indeed! Cuz you know children are going to watch a dance competition show and see Chaz in action and think, I’m gonna change genders, too! Uh-huh.

“ABC has been pushing the gay lifestyle ... the push now to accept transgender is just too much for me to bear. I will watch the first episode to see who advertises ... and through Twitter and Facebook will urge friends and friends of friends to boycott not only your show, but your network and all those who advertise with you.”

Good luck with that.

Many of the commenters invoked Bible passages and predicted a sure road to hell for Bono and for those who support him. You wonder: If they’re so worked up about a dance competition show, how do they get through the day? Are they a hundred times more outraged by starvation and poverty and human suffering? If they’re good Christians, that must be the case, right?

Yes, the vast majority of us are quite comfortable with the genders to which we’ve been assigned, thank you very much. But imagine all that a Chaz Bono has to go through — medically, emotionally, on all levels — to become the person she wants and needs to be. If someone undertakes that journey, how can their choices be anything BUT legitimate?

He’ll never host again?

For as long as I can remember, Labor Day has been associated with the Muscular Dystrophy Association Labor Day Telethon and the grotesquely maudlin antics of Jerry Lewis. In between accepting big checks from corporate VPs and introducing entertainers of varying degrees of stardom and talent, Lewis would often grow ever more agitated — berating his band leader, complaining about the lights in his eyes, making politically incorrect jokes. By the last hour of the grueling test of showbiz endurance, Lewis would be milking every last moment, ending with “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” which seemed almost cruelly inappropriate. Even as you had to admire Lewis’ uniquely bizarre ability to hold your attention, you had to cringe at the man’s insatiable thirst for attention and his uber-showbizzy ways.

This year marked the first time since midway through the Lyndon Johnson administration that Lewis wasn’t the host of the telethon. Lewis, 85, either retired or was pushed out the door. The 2011 telethon was shortened to six hours and was hosted by a team that included Nancy O’Dell and someone named Nigel Lythgoe, who is an executive producer with “American Idol.” The New York Times reports, “Mr. Lythgoe has a smarmy show biz manner that suits telethon work, even if he’s not in any way as eccentric and histrionic as Mr. Lewis.”

Note to the Times: It’s not just Mr. Lythgoe who falls short in those categories. Perhaps nobody in the history of show business is as eccentric and histrionic as Mr. Lewis.

On Tuesday the MDA reported it had raised $61,491,393 — more than $2.5 million MORE than last year, when Lewis hosted for what we assume was the last time.

One can only imagine what must be going through Lewis’ head right now. They shortened the telethon from 21 ½ hours to six hours, the king of all telethons was nowhere to be seen — and they raised more dough than they did last year?

Lythgoe told the AP he thought Lewis would show during the telecast.

“I was fully expecting him to turn up at any point ... and I’m sorry he didn’t ... “I mean, he knows that he is always welcome on the telethon. It’s his baby.”

Except for when it’s not. But ah, what a moment that would have been if Jerry Lewis had taken the stage at some point during the telethon, taken the microphone away from Lythgoe and cued the orchestra to play “You’ll Never Walk Alone.”

It would have been amazing. It would have been bizarre. It would have been the quintessential Jerry Lewis moment.