Tabloids madly dig for dirt on Kate Middleton

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Updated: August 4, 2011 4:20PM

Those close to Kate Middleton are not worried anything truly tawdry will be found, but I’ve learned the relentless, scandal-driven British tabloid press is hounding old schoolmates and hometown acquaintances of Prince William’s bride-to-be, hoping to uncover embarrassing photos, old boyfriend stories and other negative tales.

Methinks most people’s reaction will mirror mine:

Leave the girl alone!

Can’t people just celebrate the young couple’s happiness?

I’ve even heard there are snoops digging into Kate’s parents’ ex-business associates — supposedly searching for shady financial shenanigans.

† So far, most of Middleton’s negative press has focused on comments from clearly jealous girls from her secondary-school days — sniping about how her speaking voice has become more aristocratic.

† An interesting new Kate ally is Prince Charles’ wife, Camilla, whom suspicious London gossips say is sucking up to Kate as part of her plan to eventually be named queen consort to Charles when he assumes the throne. At the time of their marriage, it was announced Camilla would be named “princess consort,” and not queen, when he became king upon the death of Queen Elizabeth II.

“It’s interesting that the Diana legend is quickly fading,” my best royal source said. “This [possibility of a Queen Camilla] could never have happened, even five years ago. ... People quickly forget, plus there have been so many stories out there about Diana’s instablity — it’s hurt the memory of her legacy as a humanitarian.”

SHEEN SAGA: Responding to Charlie Sheen’s claims he’s in “discussions” to return to “Two and a Half Men,” Warner Bros.’ lawyers sent an angry letter to the actor’s attorney stating, “Those statements are false. As you know, there have been no discussions, there are no discussions and there will be no discussions regarding his returning or having any involvement with the series.”

That letter jibes with what my sources have been telling me for weeks.

However, Sheen zinged back Thursday, his lawyer Marty Singer telling TMZ, “There have been discussions as late as Tuesday and all parties have been involved: Warner Bros, CBS, [show creator] Chuck Lorre and Charlie Sheen.”

GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY: Not surprisingly, Lynn Sage Cancer Research Foundation fall benefit co-chairs Michelle Friedman, Ashley Hemphill Netzky and Lara Shipp Shiffman are thrilled Oscar winner Goldie Hawn will be their keynote speaker for the Sept. 19 luncheon at the Ritz-Carlton. The annual fete is a major benefit for this great organization, which has raised millions for Northwestern Memorial Hospital and the ongoing battle against the horrible disease that claimed the life of the late Lynn Sage and so many others.

KEEP COOL: Now that short-tempered Sean Penn is seriously dating Scarlett Johansson, I’ve learned he’s been getting renewed advice on how to stay calm around paparazzi. This comes as we learn Jordan Dawes, the paparazzo attacked by the Oscar winner in 2009, has donated his entire cash settlement from Penn to charity — including half to Haitian earthquake relief, one of Penn’s pet causes.

THE DALEY DRILL: Among what will be a long list of farewell salutes to Mayor Daley: his dinner for staffers at Chicago Cut steakhouse, furniture king Tim Smithe’s “I Love You Mayor Daley” bash at RJ, Jerrod and Molly Melman’s Paris Club and those new “We’ll Miss You Mayor, Daily” from Rocco Shirts Chicago — with a portion of sales going to one of hizzoner’s fave charities, Misericordia.

SEEN ON THE SCENE: Forget the budget crisis — let’s take time to toast a popular radio show! Freshman Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-Ill.) took the floor of the U.S. House and noted the first anniversary of Roe Conn and Richard Roeper’s “Roe & Roeper” WLS-AM (890) afternoon drive show — actually delivering a very humorous entry in the Congressional Record. … Funnyman Dan Aykroyd and wife Donna Dixon were spied dining at the Art Institute’s Terzo Piano. … Certainly not here for all the President Obama festivities Thursday, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich lunched at Markethouse on North Fairbanks.

NAME GAME: I hereby restore ownership of Bistronomic on Wabash to John Ward — after mistakenly toasting his dad, Tom, in Tuesday’s column.

Bill Zwecker reports regularly on “Good Day Chicago” and “Fox Chicago News at 9” on WFLD-Channel 32.