Keith Woods

Evanston | 46 | Grillman at Mustard's Last Stand, next to Northwestern's Ryan Field

Every day, people anticipate lunch. You can be sitting at your desk or digging a hole, whatever. But when it gets close to lunch time, you're anticipating that. You're thinking about it. You're visualizing it in your mind. So when you get there, you want to close that deal. And I'm here to close it for you.

I eat everything here. I've been through this menu a million times. But I still have a craving. I'm a weird person. I dream about my next meal. I'll be lying in bed, 2 o'clock in the morning, going, "Damn, I'm gonna get a hot dog when I get there."

You know what I like about a hot dog? You can do so much to it. You can chop it up and put it on spaghetti. You can eat it by itself. I'm a caveman; I'll eat it cold. Tastes like baloney.

I was in the hospital one day -- in emergency. I said to the people, I'm gonna get something to eat. I figured if I'm gonna die, at least I'm gonna get something. I had a craving for a cheesecake and a hot dog. I think that hot dog may have pulled me through.

Eighty percent of people in Evanston put ketchup on their hot dog. It's a liberal place. I don't know -- people trying to get back at society.

It's sacrilegious. It's un-American. It is. A little kid, you can let them put ketchup on it. But an adult, and you've got your kid with you, and you put ketchup on it? It's like you're teaching them something wrong. It's like saying, 'Son, don't look to your left, don't look to your right when you cross the street. It's OK. Everything's gonna be all right.' But it's not gonna be. Because if you put ketchup on your hot dog, you're setting him up to be ridiculed when he goes out in public without you.

Hell, I thought by 2016 we'd have flying cars. But we don't. Let's have the Olympics at least.

I tell [Northwestern athletes] all the time, "You're not here to be an entertainer, you're here to get an education. You're at the top of the academic world. You can write your own ticket." I say, "You had to be smart to get through those doors. So don't forget that you're smart. Don't think you're gonna be the next Herschel Walker, because if you were, you'd be where Herschel Walker went." There's no shame in being a geek and an athlete.

Randy [Walker, the Northwestern football coach who died suddenly at age 52 last year] was a good man. I'll miss him. The thing I liked about him, he was a guy you could talk to. He was like one of the guys. I'm amazed how he remembered everybody's name.