Back off, Cupid
Valentine's Day? It's not all hearts and flowers
From a distance, the heart cookies behind the glass case at Alliance Bakery in Wicker Park look harmless enough.
The gray icing is a little suspect, but they're still hearts, and they're still cookies.
A closer look, however, reveals an unexpected message, scrawled in looping sugar: "I love you when I'm drunk."
(Rob Hart/STNG)
(Rob Hart/STNG)
Mikky Wright, owner of Alliance Bakery & Cafe, 1736 W. Division, says his anti-Valentine's Day cookies are "for people with a sense of humor."
The semi-sweet treats were a big hit last year, Wright said, so he decided to offer them again this holiday, at $2.50 each, alongside more traditional V-day options, like cupcakes and cakes for two.
Alliance Bakery isn't the only Chicago retailer taking an irreverent tone with the day of love. Or bakery for that matter.
Michelle Garcia, owner of the Bleeding Heart Bakery, 2018 W. Chicago Ave., in Ukrainian Village, is selling bright pink heart cookies -- with gaping stab wounds.
"People are so sick of the 'Hallmark holidays' and people telling them that they have to celebrate a holiday a certain way," Garcia said. "It's better to laugh than to be angry."
Bleeding Heart also is selling cookies that read "XXX," "Kiss off," and "You wish," and some that take a stab at George W., such as "I love 2008" and "I love Barack."
Neighboring store Rotofugi, a designer toy store and gallery at 1953 W. Chicago Ave., in East Village, is selling miniature cigarette-smoking vinyl rabbits in bondage gear. "Punishment arrives just in time for Valentine's Day," reads a Web site promoting the sale of the devious little animals ($15.95 retail).
Rotofugi owner Whitney Kerr thinks Feb. 14 is the year's "worst holiday."
"There's this pressure," Kerr said. "If you don't have a significant other, it just kind of highlights it."
Kerr said her husband makes her a mixed tape every Valentine's Day, and she appreciates it. But society makes it hard for most guys to measure up, she said.
"Men can't live up to it," Kerr said. "It's designed for over-expectation."
Larry Ravenna, owner of Chicago's Climate gift stores, also has noticed the market for Valentine's Day gifts of questionable taste.
That's why he carries the $2.99 "Grow a Girlfriend" novelty toy in his stores at 1702 N. Damen Ave. in Wicker Park, 2462 N. Clark in Lake View and 1971 N. Fremont in Lincoln Park.
"You put her in a glass jar, and she'll grow about a foot," Ravenna said. "If you don't have a girlfriend, you can grow one."
Ravenna cautions that the spongy woman, which expands to 600 times her original size, needs two or three days to reach a full height.
arowe@pioneerlocal.com