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Thursday, February 23, 2012

Roeper: Oscar forgot to put in his teeth

Updated: August 4, 2011 4:20PM



“I have good news from the future! Microphones get smaller!” — Anne Hathaway “appearing” in “The King’s Speech” at the Oscars

Let’s face it, folks: unless they completely revamp the format, the Oscars are always going to be pretty boring. Unless you eliminate all those categories that just don’t matter to the average viewer — you’re going to be stuck with dull stretches.

But wait! Here’s Celine Dion singing about dead people, that will energize the proceedings!

Little wonder that before the telecast was even over, pundits were calling this one of the most tedious Oscar telecasts ever. That’s because it was one of the most tedious Oscar telecasts ever.

Oscar meeting: “Here’s how we bring in the kids: We start with a ‘Gone With the Wind’ tribute and we have Billy Crystal, and Bob Hope!”

Tom Hooper’s win for best director only confirmed that the academy continues to reward mainstream and safe. If “The King’s Speech” is a more impressively directed film than “The Social Network” or “Inception” (not that Christopher Nolan was even nominated), then “Ordinary People” and “Dances With Wolves” were better directed films than “Raging Bull” and “GoodFellas.”

Oh, wait.

The victories for Natalie Portman and Colin Firth were preordained. Once Hooper won for “The King’s Speech,” I figured the film would win best picture.

Granted, we’ve seen the “host-inserted-into-the-clips” thing many times before, but hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway did a hilarious job in the opener, bolstered by terrific cameos from Alec Baldwin and Morgan Freeman.

I’m sure the supporting actress nominees were gritting their teeth and hoping the legendary Kirk Douglas would get on with it, but he was pretty effin’ funny, especially when he told Melissa Leo, “You’re much more beautiful than you were in ‘The Fighter.’ ” Awesomeness from Spartacus.

The win for “Toy Story 3” was well-deserved, but at this point shouldn’t they just call it the Pixar Award and move on? The other films don’t even have a chance. (And by the way: Why wasn’t “Tangled” nominated?)

When Hathaway started singing, I wondered if we were watching a very special episode of “Glee.” When Franco came out in drag, I was fairly certain we were watching a very special episode of “Glee.”

Christian Bale was transcendent in “The Fighter” — and his performance is even more impressive if you see/hear the real Dicky Ward. Just amazing work .

Years from now, when film lovers look back on 2010, the films that will resonate the most: “Inception” and “The Social Network.”

Followed by “The King’s Speech” in a distant third.

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